I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
