Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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