Its about making memories worth repressing
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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