I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
