note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
