At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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