she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
