oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
