I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
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There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
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Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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