My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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