piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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