A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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