Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
