i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
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