Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
