Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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