i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
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