dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
