OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
