Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
