cat food counts as protein by the way
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
