So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
