I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You almost got us killed.
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