he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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