The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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