M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
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i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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