dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
