I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
