She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
