The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize