He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
