he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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