worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
