yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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