Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
