We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
