he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
