onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Is that strawberry winking at me??
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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