i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
