i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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