i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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