So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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