Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
