just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
did you just send me my own nude
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
