who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
