I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
