You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
