I bet he comes in French.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
