I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
