I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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