Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
