I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
