FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
