And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
