Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
