he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
