i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
