The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
