I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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