she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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