Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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