First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
