I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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