she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
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He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
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Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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