After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
