Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Green mimosas i think yes
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
