But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
