exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
